Let's Talk About Gaslighting

The Real American Epidemic

We hear the term "gaslighting" used a lot today, on both sides of the aisle. But where does it come from? Why do we use it? And does it mean more than we are willing to admit? Let's take some time, not much - but hopefully enough - to examine what this word means and how we may not be seeing the entire picture that it paints. I believe that every coin has two sides, and that this one is worth flipping over a time or two.

The term originated as the title to George Cukor's 1944 film "Gaslight." It is the story of a man who has grown tired of his marriage and needs to find a way to dispose of his wife so that he can pursue extra-marital relationships without having to undergo the nasty business of what would be a very public divorce. 

He has the bright (lol) idea to start altering the gaslights in his house ever so slightly. When his wife complains that "it's too dim," or "it's too bright," he responds by informing her that she must be crazy. He doesn't see any difference in the lighting. This goes on and on until the poor woman actually loses her mind. Her husband subsequently has her committed. Being told she was crazy led to her thinking she was crazy which, in turn, led to her going crazy. 

Miriam-Webster defines the term as such:

Gaslighting - psychological manipulation of a person usually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator

We hear it used today by political rabble rousers trying to point a finger at their opposition. We hear constantly that we are being gaslit by the left or the right depending on which channel we happen to be on when the news is playing. The word was almost synonymous with both of Donald Trump's campaigns in left leaning media, and right leaning commentators have pointed out the inherit gaslighting in mainstream media reporters saying that protests were "mostly peaceful" as fires and riots raged directly behind them during the chaotic summer of 2020.

The thing is, when we hear or use the term "gaslighting" it always seems to be in conjunction with negative connotation. "You're crazy," says the proverbial gaslighter. "You can't possibly be right, because you're so crazy." 

But this particular reporter sees a different trend in gaslighting, a "changing of the game" as it were, that is coming closer and closer to being the single controlling element of our society.

Back in 2014, 18 year old Conrad Roy III took his own life by inhaling carbon monoxide. Upon investigation, authorities discovered that his girlfriend - 17 year old Michelle Carter - had sent him multiple texts encouraging him to do so. In 2017 she was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter for her hand in the young man's death. Rather than telling Conrad he was crazy, that he couldn't possibly be right, Michelle saw that he was vulnerable and seized the opportunity to tell him - not that he was wrong, but - that he was right. 

I believe that it is entirely possible that a grand amount of gaslighting has gone unnoticed because of the general misunderstanding that the term can go both ways. In "traditional" gaslighting, supposing it is successful, the victim still ends up crazy by the end of it. This new variant (though I don't believe it's all that new, I just haven't heard anyone else talk about it this way) proceeds under the assumption that a mental ailment already exists in the victim. The victimizer would then seize upon that ailment and reinforce it to push the victim toward a desired outcome. 

So imagine someone you know is in a position where they are experiencing a spout of depression, anxiety, confusion, or rage. Do you try to talk them into acting on that depression? Do you tell the parent experiencing postpartum complications to drown their child in the tub, or the frustrated husband to take his anger out on his wife, or the suicidal friend to take their life, with the excuse that "it was how they felt at the time?"

If the answer to that (those) question(s) is "no, of course not." Then why would you/we convince someone who is confused about who they are to do something that they can't come back from, something life-altering - especially at an early age. 

I do believe there's a word for it, and it isn't exactly "gaslighting." Rather, it is the polar opposite of gaslighting that seizes on the same implementation of the psychopathic tendencies that humans seem to exhibit in greater and greater numbers as our society becomes more and more disconnected from reality. It's that thing that people do when they positively reinforce someone's mental crisis by telling them to act on it - when they tell the drug addict that their addiction isn't all that bad, when they tell their boyfriend or girlfriend to pull the trigger so they can soak up the attention from their perceived loss, when they tell someone to alter their body and its functions drastically based on the temporary bodily dissatisfaction that comes with being a teenager and young adult.

Enabling - to provide with the means or opportunity

This is the "gaslighting of positive reinforcement." 

"You're crazy," says the Enabler, "but I support your insanity."

That's it. That's what we're actually doing to people, more than we know. And we are being gaslit to believe that we aren't. 

It's a savage world we live in.

Be safe.

With regards,

-Bastian Ardlyg

Writing from the deep, twisting, and steaming bowels of what was once a great country…